phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
