You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
