Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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