so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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