threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
