He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
is it fun? or sober?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
