I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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