Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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