My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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