I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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