The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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