i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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