he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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