just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
How's work?
Spinning.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
