my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
