I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
