apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
