if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
