I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
