Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
