Porn is love you can see.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
