The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
