Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
