you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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