I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
