I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
