The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
