ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm at about main and main street
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
