I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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