i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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