Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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