omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
