I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
