You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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