Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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