did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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