The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
