this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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