You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
