my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
