Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
