Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
