I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
