man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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