Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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