he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
cat food counts as protein by the way
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
