all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
