A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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