it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
