Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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