That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
