currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
